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Module 1.3 is about confidence. We talked about who we are. We’ve talked about knowing what we want to say, but we also need to talk about internal confidence. When you find yourselves in conflict, it can be intimidating. It can be confusing. And we often revert back to a high anxiety space. When you feel confident in yourself.
You’re better able to hold complex spaces and make complex decisions in a way that is open, curious and authentic.
I often talk about this and get asked questions about resilience. How does resilience play into this conversation of confidence? I don’t think you have to go through the flames. Go through hard situations to be able to create some resilience. Some people are really lucky, blessed, nurture in nature, but have this internal sense of I am enough and I’m okay.
And when we have that, whether we’ve done the work or we’ve been lucky enough to have it internally, what it does is it creates this foundation of you are able to weather the storm because, you know, it doesn’t matter how much wind blows or how much rain falls down, it’s a waters rise that you will be okay. That sometimes things just happen.
And when we have that deep sense of resilience, of it being okay, you kind of feel like, yes, it hurts. Yes, it’s painful, but we’ll get through this. It’s a sense of hope.
I want to talk about this notion of Grit, Gritty leadership. We often talk about leadership has been something wonderful, and it’s great when everything’s going well. You can be on a high as a leader and you can be getting stuff done, but a gritty leader is someone that can navigate when things go wrong. It’s a capacity to kind of be okay with getting your hands dirty in the mud and pushing on through and working on through those hard times.
This gritty leadership is about confidence and it’s about resilience, but it’s also about an authenticity capacity to know that this conflict, this hard conversation, it’s worth doing the work because it’s going to get us somewhere really that matters, that allows us to create change and innovation. And you often can’t get that transformation if you’re not willing to do the work.
If we lived in that perfect world where we feel good all the time, we wouldn’t get creativity, we wouldn’t get change. So it’s that capacity to call on this gritty leadership strength, this capacity to hold hope, even though it’s going to be hard, that will make the difference in your confidence.
Holding space in conflict is a really critical thing. It’s about who we are and how we are in the space, and knowing that how we are will impact those around us in the space that I work in. It becomes both a responsibility and a privilege to hold people at sometimes their worst. And the way that I do that is I park my judgement.
If I park my judgement in the conversation, it allows me to be present in the right now. It allows me to let somebody be heard about the things that really matter to them. They might not be the same as the things that matter to me, but I’m giving them myself in this space without judgement and we’ll work towards making that decision when the time is right.
So your capacity to hold a calm space in the face of confusion is so powerful. There’s some ways that we can all do it. We can really, we can meditate, we can anchor ourselves. We can look for a moment of calm. And I often remind people it can be as simple as picturing a place in your mind that makes you feel calm.
We all know that place of calm, and I see people around me in conflict so easily swept up in the opposite. Sometimes all it takes of us is to go. Let’s just breathe. Let’s take a moment. Let’s be in this space right now so that we can listen to each other and make powerful decisions when the time is right.
I just want to tie it back to module 1.1 where we talked about knowing who you are and why that matters to confidence when we know who we are. It creates this sense of, I’ve got this, I can do this again, that sense of home base. But you’ve got to put it into action. So I think when we bring confidence to us, it’s about taking that, knowing who we are and walking the talk and walking the talk, taking action in a way that is consistent with the things we talk about mattering to us, to our values, to the things that matter, and the people or the vision that we want to be.
It’s creating consistency of action and people actually respond and resonate to that, whether you’re aware of it or not. They also respond when there’s an inconsistency. So being conscious of and disciplined of our actions and making sure it’s consistent with who we are will help reinforce that sense of confidence and presence and authenticity.
In 2020, a small group of mediators gathered on Zoom to share stories as they struggled to adapt, adjust and survive whilst supporting people through conflict. Over a glass of gin, laughter and sometimes tears, we learnt a lot, and I wanted to find a way to share our insights with others.
This collection brings together professionals across disciplines who are experts in dealing with conflict, confusion and change. From mediators, lawyers, HR, marketing and executives – they are sharing their insights to help you better manage the complexities of negotiation, conflict and problem-solving.
We hope these real-life stories of gritty leadership and hard conversations, spiced with touch of humour, will make it easier to talk about conflict. We want to help you navigate this space with clarity, confidence and some fun. So, pour yourself a gin and be prepared to discover that hard conversations don’t have to result in a fight. With a little preparation, some key skills and a growth mindset, peace is possible.
Featuring authors:
Claire Holland, Chris Muir-Smith, Hayden Wilson, Hayley Jarick, Hazel Herrington, Joanne McMullan, Laurence Boulle, Megan MacNeill, Mikel Sanz Peña, Ming Johanson, Paul Sills, Roar Thun Waegger, Sam Hardy, Shanti Abraham Mathew, Sree Swaminathan, Susan Andrews, Vikram Singh, Trent Petherick, Sarah Blake
Foreword by Kenneth Cloke
We acknowledge the Traditional Owners of the land where we work and live. We pay our respects to Elders past, present and emerging. We celebrate the stories, culture and traditions of Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander Elders of all communities who also work and live on this land.
Sarah M Blake ©️ Copyright 2022
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